What does it mean to be authentic at work?

We often hear leaders encouraged to:

“Bring your whole self to work.”

“Speak your truth.”

“Be vulnerable.”

“Just be yourself.”

But leadership is rarely that simple.

Because what happens when the environment doesn’t respond well to your honesty?

What happens when you share something real—and it isn’t received in the way you intended?

And what happens when being authentic requires not only courage, but discernment?

This week, I’m featuring a book that has me thinking about these questions:

📖 Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing by Leslie John

John’s work explores something fascinating: we often underestimate the value of sharing more than we think we should.

We may hold back because we’re worried about being judged, appearing vulnerable, saying too much, or making ourselves uncomfortable.

Yet thoughtful disclosure can strengthen relationships, build trust and create connection.

But there’s an important nuance.

Sometimes sharing does backfire.

And that’s where this gets particularly interesting for leaders.

Authenticity doesn’t mean saying everything.

I think we sometimes confuse authenticity with complete transparency.

They’re not the same thing.

Authenticity is not:

• telling everyone exactly what you’re thinking;
• sharing every emotion as you experience it;
• explaining yourself until someone agrees with you;
• or refusing to filter anything because “that’s just who I am.”

Authenticity can be much more intentional.

It can mean knowing your values, understanding your needs and behaving in ways that are consistent with who you are—while still deciding what to share, when to share it and with whom.

That’s not being inauthentic.

That’s discernment.

Consider a common leadership scenario.

Imagine a highly capable leader who realizes their workload has become unsustainable.

They care deeply about the quality of their work, so they decide to have an honest conversation with their leader.

They explain what they’re experiencing and ask for greater clarity around priorities.

They want to understand:

What matters most?

What can wait?

What should be delegated?

What does success realistically look like given the current demands?

They’re trying to do something healthy: communicate early rather than allow the situation to deteriorate.

But the conversation doesn’t land as intended.

Instead of being viewed as thoughtful and proactive, their candour is interpreted as a lack of commitment.

The leader walks away thinking:

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”

This is where coaching can become incredibly valuable.

Because the answer isn’t necessarily:

“Don’t speak up again.”

Nor is it:

“Your leader is wrong.”

The more useful question is:

What can you learn from the interaction without abandoning yourself?

That’s a very different approach.

Step 1: Separate your truth from someone else’s interpretation.

You can communicate something honestly and still have another person interpret it differently.

Those are two separate things.

Someone else’s interpretation of your words doesn’t automatically invalidate your experience.

The coaching question becomes:

What do I know to be true about my situation—and what am I assuming about how others see me?

That distinction can prevent us from handing over too much power to someone else’s reaction.

Step 2: Look for the lesson, not just the verdict.

When a conversation doesn’t go well, we can quickly turn it into a verdict:

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I shouldn’t have been vulnerable.”

“I need to keep my head down.”

But perhaps the more useful question is:

“What did this interaction teach me?”

Maybe you learned that you need to communicate more strategically.

Maybe you discovered that the other person responds better to data than emotion.

Maybe you realized that you need to be clearer about the business implications of your request.

Maybe you learned that this particular person isn’t the right person to receive certain kinds of vulnerability.

Or perhaps you learned something about the culture itself.

None of those conclusions require you to decide that you were wrong for being authentic.

Step 3: Increase discernment—not self-silencing.

This is where I think the ideas in Revealing become particularly relevant.

The answer to the risk of oversharing isn’t necessarily undersharing.

It’s thoughtful sharing.

Before an important conversation, consider asking yourself:

What am I trying to accomplish?

What does this person need to know?

What am I comfortable making visible?

What is the potential benefit of sharing this?

What is the potential risk?

What is mine to own—and what belongs to the other person?

And perhaps my favourite:

What is the most honest and useful thing I can say right now?

That last question creates space between authenticity and impulsivity.

Authenticity is not the absence of a filter.

It’s having a conscious filter.

You can be honest without being indiscriminate.

You can be vulnerable without being unprotected.

You can have boundaries without becoming closed off.

You can advocate for yourself without becoming defensive.

You can choose not to disclose something without betraying yourself.

And you can decide that an environment isn’t the right place for certain parts of you without concluding that those parts need to disappear.

The goal isn’t to become smaller.

This is perhaps the most important distinction.

When an authentic conversation doesn’t go well, the temptation can be to retreat.

Speak less.

Ask for less.

Need less.

Share less.

Become easier to manage.

But sometimes the growth opportunity isn’t becoming less visible.

It’s becoming more intentional.

To know yourself more deeply.

To understand your values.

To recognize your patterns.

To communicate with greater clarity.

To develop stronger boundaries.

And to become increasingly skilled at deciding where your energy, vulnerability and attention belong.

That’s a very different kind of authenticity.

It’s not:

“This is who I am. Take it or leave it.”

It’s:

“This is who I am. I know what matters to me. And I am thoughtful about how I show up in the world.”

Perhaps authentic leadership isn’t about bringing your whole self everywhere.

Perhaps it’s about knowing your whole self well enough that you don’t lose yourself anywhere.

That’s the distinction I’m exploring this week through Revealing.

I’ll be sharing ideas throughout the week about vulnerability, disclosure, trust, leadership and the surprisingly powerful role that thoughtful self-revelation can play in our relationships at work and beyond.

And if you’re navigating a difficult workplace and find yourself wondering:

Should I speak up?

Should I set a boundary?

How do I have this conversation?

Am I overreacting—or is something genuinely not working?

How do I stay true to myself without making the situation worse?

Those are exactly the kinds of questions that can benefit from coaching.

Sometimes you don’t need someone to tell you what to do.

You need someone who can help you slow the situation down, challenge your assumptions, see the options you can’t see from inside the situation, and decide how you want to lead yourself through it.

That’s the work I love doing.

This week’s word: AUTHENTIC.

Not unfiltered.

Not performative.

Not perfect.

Authentic—with discernment.